LondonFuse was invited to review London’s flagship location of The Captain’s Boil, a “fast seafood” joint on Oxford and Wonderland.

I was asked to come and be wined and dined in exchange for a review. First off — they do not serve wine at The Captain’s Boil. They do have beer though, so let’s not walk them to the end of the plank over it.

4 people are sitting at a table with a large amount of seafood in front of them
Scott Burtton, Kelda Yuen (of CTV), me, and Harina posing in front of a pirate’s booty of food

I went to eat my free meal with Harina Mokanan, a fellow LondonFuse staff member who is a fan of seafood and from my observations, will eat mostly anything. You see, I don’t like seafood, so I agreed to go and take pictures as long as my dinner partner would do most of the eating. And eat we did.

Victor, the manager of this Captain’s Boil location, was accommodating and friendly. He had obviously prepared his speech about the Boil (my nickname, not his — and not like MY my nickname, no one called me “Boil” in college).

While delving into the depths of the “viral success” of The Boil, he mentioned there was a great need for “fast seafood” which I have to question. Are there really hordes of people wanting to quickly dismember a crawfish or use scissors to cut the meat out of a crab leg before catching their bus back to work? As the title of this article suggests — the food is still inside of me as I’m writing this. I would thank this ship to drop anchor, if you know what I mean.

A man holds a crawfish whole to show how to eat it
Victor, manager of The Captain’s Boil, showing how to dismember a crawfish

Feast like a pirate, dine like a Captain

Victor walked us through the use of the torture devices laid out like a pirate’s booty in front of us and wished us a good meal. The first dish (and ONLY dish not served in plastic bag) were oysters. As a tepid seafood eater, I started to ask myself why I had agreed to this. It’s like cracking open a dinosaur egg, shaking the meat off of the dino-feutus and throwing the organs back into the rocky shell and telling me it’s a delectable.

Having said that, the oysters were fantastic. I added horseradish, lemon and mystery orange sauce to it but all-in-all they were my favourite part of the meal. Our dining partners (as dinner is served “family style” which in my world means loudly, after rushing through an eye roll-inducing prayer and with only a dash of guilt for my life choices) were two CTV News staffers, producer Scott Burton and news anchor Kelda Yuen.

A man holds a crab leg in a restaurant
Scott Burton of CTV News pulling enormous King Crab leg out of bag

Kelda and Harina were the more adventurous diners. They had a seasoned food eaters’ look in their eyes that said “Come at me, bro!” When I posed the question “what’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten” Harina answered “cow’s tongue” and Kelda has eaten a tarantula before, so this was not going to blow their minds. Scott and I, however, seemed to wish there were crackers with the meal. Or maybe a cheese sandwich.

The sandwich never came

In order, we were served the following meals in clear plastic bags:

  1. Mussels
  2. Clams
  3. Shrimp (whole shrimp)
  4. Crawfish
  5. Lobster
  6. King Crab
  7. Breaded shrimp with french fries and seafood sauce
  8. Shrimp with rice
  9. Steamed vegetables

All of these items came in plastic bags. Each with a sauce or something wet to slosh around before being dropped on the table. Even the rice dishes were served with styrofoam cups and plastic utensils. As a hippy, .com-type individual, this was sad to see. We were here to stay! Why the take-out crime scene? *As a side note, our tables were cleaned by a server removing empty bags, but a larger group left before us and they’re table was cleaned by bringing out a “family-style” plastic garbage can rooted at the end of the table and filled with the table’s mess. It’s too much waste and for the life of me, I don’t know why I didn’t take a picture of the back of the restaurant where their dumpster must be.

Nearing the end of our journey, the question was posed “Would you recommend The Captain’s Boil to a friend?” and we all agreed that we knew the type of people we’d recommend it to. Scott said his “younger, more adventurous friends and coworkers”, Kelda was a blanket “yes”, Harina said “yes, definitely” and I think I know exactly which family members I’d suggest it to (my grandma who eats anything and relishes the opportunity to look her food in the eyes before she devours it and my mom who would get a kick out of eating with plastic gloves on).

Come back to The Boil if you want an experience in hedonism and some delicious oysters.

Bags of leftovers and seafood sauce are on a table
The remains of a family style dinner for four

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