When life makes no sense, it’s good to have a higher power to call on.

Some people pray, others meditate. However, most people turn to the highest power of all…

The Google search.

You don’t even need to have a premise in mind. All you have to do is type a few words and this omniscient search engine will fill the blanks in for you.

Take a look at the top results for some of mankind’s most serious queries.

WHAT-WHAT?

What should I…
google search results for what should I
But should you search for inspiration?

Not sure if this is depressing or amusing, but asking a search engine for inspiration doesn’t exactly seem like a great place to start.

What should you…
google search results for what should you
Do you even lift, duck bruh?

As for what you should do when you’re bored… Why not google dietary advice for ducks?

What can I do…
google search results for what can I do
Maybe take some time to think about your career path before you get your diploma.

It seems that the job market failed to materialize for enough post-secondary students that Google has become their #1 source for career advice.

What can you do…
google search results for what can you do
Even tech workers turn to google for answers.

How close are we to Skynet, when people rely on technology to answer questions about their technology?

KNOW-HOW

If ever there was a lesson in pronouns and Google searches, it’s definitely in the HOW category. It may not seem very consequential whether you ask with an ‘I’ or a ‘YOU’, but check the results below and see for yourself.

How can I…
google search results for how can I
A laser printer is not a good answer for #2.

Hopefully the people asking these top questions aren’t the same ones who click those obnoxious “I made $1 million working from home in one week. Here’s how…” advertisements.

How can you…
google search results for how can you
Pretty sure the answer for 2 through 5 are all the same.

Not sure if a broken heart counts as an STD, but the ‘how can you’ crowd should have paid more attention in health class.

How do I…
google search results for how do i
If you live to love television, take a screenshot of Andriod box updates.

Umm… Why not just use Google maps to get home rather than search results?

How do you…
google search results for how do you
How do you pronounce conjunctivitis?

It’s reassuring to know people are looking up proper pronunciations in our increasingly multicultural society. As for pink eye, well… Wash your hands after wiping.

WHEREFORE AND WHY

Let’s get more philosophical. WHY is a great question because it bridges the gap between WHAT and HOW. Here’s what people googled to get some deeper meaning.

Why do I…
google search results for why do i
Hopefully these autofills aren’t all coming from the same person.

If you spend all your time on the toilet, you may not have time for friends.

Why do you…
google search results for why do you
Wait… Employers don’t use google to search for phony answers, do they?

Google loves you because you are a doctor. That’s reason enough.

Why should I…
google search results for why should I
Let’s hope whomever asked #1 was interviewing the person who asked #5.

Attention job hunters: relying on search engine answers for job interview material will only add to your worries and cares.

Why should you…
google search results for why should you
Why seems to be the question of choice for bilingual job seekers.

Learning French may be a benefit when you’re traveling, but all that cheese and bread may not be the healthiest choice.

BONUS SEARCH – INTO THE UNKNOWN

What happens if…
google search results for what happens if
It depends on if the president swallowed moldy gum or not.
Don’t you put it in your mouth! Looking at the ‘what happens if’ results reinforce the notion that warning labels exist for a reason.

Search no further

If you find your own burning questions on this list, be comforted in the fact that many, many others are also seeking the same information. Some of it may be frivolous, but some of it really does help – especially when you get pinkeye right before your job interview at the duck pond.

For those who may be curious, saying 000 to Siri contacts emergency services. Use it only when you have to, and leave the rest to google.

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