Social Awkward Support

Hi, my name is Deanne and I am socially awkward. 

To all of those who know me, you are all very aware of this. To all of those who I have met briefly, you are probably also aware of this. 

Alas, I am not socially-awkward-cool like Michael Cera or the majority of the friendly neighbourhood hipsters.  I am the epidamy of social awkwardness – when thrust into social situations of the unknown it’s like I don’t even know how to stand like a normal human being, my limbs contort so I can look as awkward as possible and I let out a lot of high pitched giggles oppose to actually contributing to a conversation.  Or I am over-compensating loud, it’s like so I can prove to people around me that I am not socially awkward – even though it is glaringly obvious.

It’s not that I don’t like people, and it’s not that I don’t like being around people, it’s just like I don’t know how to act around new people.  This is what happens when your parents allow you to be raised by 90’s Much Music and Hit List instead of forcing you into the park to play with the neighborhood kids (note: this will also make your child fat) – I can quote episodes of 2Gether, yet I can’t contribute coherently to relevant conversations.  (In my parents defense most of the neighbourhood “kids” grew up to be gang members – so I believe it’s better to be socially stunted than to become a gang bitch.)

When my friends take me into new social settings I’m a bit like Brendan Fraser in Encino Man.  I grunt a lot and pick up every object in my path to examine it to avoid eye contact. But At least I can microwave a burrito properly ( I belive this is an important life skill). 

So here are some tips I have compiled for you other socially awkward kids to get through public situations:

1 – Stand like a normal human being.

Mimick the people around you.  If someone is standing with hands on their hips you do the same.  If that person leaves, find a new person to emulate FAST before you are standing there with your arms raised above your head, because that looks normal – right?

 2 – Master sweet dance moves. 

This is more if you are at a bar, but could work in a variety of situations, I feel.  Feeling awkward as your friend chats it up with friends she ran into?  Just hit the dance floor for a song, sweat out that awkward energy.  Plus when you return, the conversation will turn to how awesome your dance moves are – “Where did you learn how to do the sprinkler like that?” They’ll wonder in awe -   See, watching hours of Electric Circus paid off!

3 – Watch Jeopardy to store a mass amount useless information.

It’s always the worst when you are cornered with someone one on one, because you have to work extra hard to keep the conversation flowing.  If there is a lull in the conversation – DO NOT PANIC! Keep your arms down! Just think back to the episode of Jeopardy you watched last night.  “Did you know Mary Stuart became the Queen of Scotland when she was 6 days old? I mean how can a baby run a country, it can’t even hold its head up – that is fucked up!” Watch their jaw drop in amazement, and then the conversation will flow, because they have distant relatives in Scotland.  Or they really like potatoes and couldn’t bare living through a potato famine – Voila, you’re awesome.   

4 – And if worse comes to worse, just own you’re social awkwardness.

It's very simple and it works "Hi, I'm Deanne and I am socially awkward". It breaks the ice, and they know not to make loud noises to spook you. And sometimes you find another Awkard-ite and you can bond over your stunted social skills– nothing creates a new bff like social awkwardness.

Follow these steps and you will discover being socially awkward isn't that bad. 

Sidenote: Kristen Stewart isn't socially awkward, she's just a bitch.  Don't let her give us a bad rap.