Pop Culture events that have sent me into an emotional spiral

Let’s get this out of the way.  I am a little too obsessed with pop culture.  I realize my own problem, so there is no need to shame me.

Did Justin Bieber get a new hair cut? What inspired said haircut?  When he gets up in the morning does he style with Maple Syrup in ode to his Canadian heritage – these are all things I  NEED to know.  And once I become aware of said knowledge I need to reiterate it all to my office mates and text all of my friends.  I like to think it is an endearing quality versus annoying. 

I seem to take tragedies that occur in the wondrous tinsel town world a little too seriously. I think it’s because I have problems dealing with my personal emotions, so when Kim Kardashian gets divorced I use it as an excuse to bubble out all of my personal anger and grief in the name of a Kardashian tradgedy.  My therapist says I need to take accountability for my own emotions instead of pinning the root of my feelings on people that I haven’t even met and situations that don’t remotely affect me… and if I had a therapist they would also say that I am a compulsive liar. 

With that being said, here are a few examples pop culture events that have sent me into an emotional downward spiral:

Heath Ledger’s Death

Heath's career was soaring high in 2008. Brokeback Mountain was made a couple of years prior and he just finished up his work with the The Dark Knight with his chilling portrayl of The Joker.  It was an indicator of great movies that would have come from him.   But Heath will forever be ingrained in my memory as Patrick Verona from ’10 Things I Hate About You’.  The day he died I had just sloshed back to the college news room after a ridiculous 12 hour day covering the absurdities at City Hall.  Needless to say I was not the most emotionally stable at the time.  I walked in to a group of people (who knew of my unnatural fondess for celebrity lore) asking me “Have you heard the news?” What news? Did our Nazi program director finally quit? No, it was something unimaginably terrible - “Heath Ledger’s dead!” someone finally announced.

I brushed it off as a sick joke. I laughed, but promptly sat down at a computer to bring up Perez Hilton.com.  Then I was slapped in the face with the sick pink headline “HEATH LEDGER DEAD!”

I ran outside and called my mom… and cried.  And then I proceeded to do a live to air on the radio through tears, no, not about Heath. About whether strippers should be paying taxes or whatever minute issue they spent three hours debating at City hall (I am nothing but professional – take note potential employers!).  I went home and fell asleep with tears drying on my face while watching Heath run across bleachers singing ‘I Love You Baby’ in ‘10 Things I Hate About You’.

The White Stripes break up

I have been a huge fan of The White Stripes since I was 15 years old.  They are tied for my favourite band of ALL TIME with The Beatles. I am so dedicated to the White Stripes' music that I have a tattoo in ode to their greatness.  The White Stripes had been on hiatus for about two years. Part of it was Meg White was dealing with anxiety issues and Jack was busy with side projects (The Raconteurs, The Dead Weather)  and building his empire, Third Man Records, in Nashville.

But through it all I kept hope that soon they would release a new album and go back on tour.

One day in my twitter feed, a promising chirp of a tweet appeared - Jack White makes White Stripes Announcement. "This is it! A new album!" My hands trembled with anticipation as I opened the link.

"The White Stripes Break Up!" screamed the headline.  I read the story about 5 times. No matter how amicable the split was, it still meant no more White Stripes music - ever. I was at work so I felt I had to keep it together. I quietly got up from my desk and walked calmly to the bathroom and proceeded to bawl...for 15 minutes. My office mates probably thought I was taking a giant dump, but we are pretty close, so I was comfortable with them thinking that.

Later that day I went in to talk to my boss and was clearly dishevled and not paying attention. "Sorry," I apologized. "The White Stripes broke up - I mean the greatest of rock acts to my generation..." I stopped myself from rambling when I was met with a blank, disapproving stare.

After escaping to the privacy of my own home to properly mourn, I surrounded myself on social media with people who felt the same, and we shared our grief. I also filled my emotional void with Taco Bell.

**Sidenote - I always told myself if I met Jack White I would tell him what a huge mistake he made by letting The White Stripes disinegrate (And that I love him with every ounce of my being... too much?). In reality when coming face to face with Jack White I could only sweat and hyperventialte... However, I think he understood the emotions I was trying to convey at that time. If there is ever a White Stripes reunion – you can thank me.

Michael Jackson's Death

I was never a devout Michael Jackson fan. I loved his music, and had a few records, but I never bought a replica thriller glove on eBay.  Regardless, this was a sad day for Deanne.  I feel like I had an emotional attachment to Michael Jackson - I have always championed for MJ. Throughout his trials and tribulations, myself and Macauly Culkin have always believed in Michael's innocence.
 
After I heard the news of his passing, I cracked open a bottle of wine and collapsed on the couch.  I watched CNN for about three hours and cried. And not just a small wimper of a cry, but full out balling to the point where I couldn't catch my breath.

My one roommate came out to check on me. "Deanne you're being silly. It's just Michael Jackson, it will be okay!"

"You don't understand!" I wailed. I wanted to punish her for not understanding my emotions. "Anderson Cooper is gay - he will never love you!" Low-blow, but I am not the most rational person at the best of times, so this was a hairy situation.

After I had driven away everyone I loved, I eventually turned the channel to The Beast, Patrick Swayze's show. In this paticular episode Swayze was having a heart to heart with a young black child. In my drunken emotional state I interpreted it as Patrick Swayze telling young Michael Jackson that everything would be okay - but now I know it was actually young Michael Jackson telling Patrick Swayze he was next... (**None of this actually happens in any episode of The Beast... maybe I was just accessing the psychic powers I never knew possessed.)

AJ McLean of Backstreet Boys' fame marries

Every girl my age had a favourite Backstreet Boy member (or if you were a fan of the rival group *NSYNC, you loved Justin Timberlake). AJ McLean was one of my first loves. He was tattooed, died his hair, wore mesh shirts and sunglasses - he was my dream man from the ages of 10 to 15 (that's a lie - 10 to 25).

I stood by him when he went to rehab - I understood that life in the spotlight was hard. But we made it through that.  There were still more albums, more concerts, and more occassions of me screaming my voice raw professing my love.

When AJ was off the coke and put on a bit of pudge, I still loved him – even when he went back to rehab. Although he obviously wasn't on cocaine so I don't know what that was for... regardless we made it though all these ups and downs.

Now in this day and age it is even easier to stalk celebrity loves because of social media. Through twitter I knew that AJ (aka @skulleeroz) had been seeing someone for awhile. Then one day it came out that he was engaged. "That's fine," I told myself. "Celeb engagements never last". But this one did. They went through with it.

The part that through me over the top was that all the BSB boys were there taking pictures of each other having a great time at what I feel should rightfully be my wedding.  This was another instance where I grabbed a wine bottle (I'm not an alchoholic, I swear) and torchured myself by looking through pictures. I ended up curled around my computer singing 'Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely'. It was a low moment for me, and I feel closer to all of you now that I have shared it.

The Seperation of Heidi Klum and Seal

They have adorable children and had the best couple’s Halloween costumes.  Remember the sinful Eve and Apple costume (Seal was Eve, priceless!). This was a couple that was going to go the distant and grow cute, hunched over and old together.  They were a perfect couple - Heidi Klum is drop dead gorgous and ...German. And Seal has a voice that gives the feeling of kittens licking your eardrums as you eat cotton candy. 

THIS was love! They filled me with hope that one day I would find someone that would wear crazy Halloween costumes with me and maybe one day we would make beautiful interracial babies. BUT NOW THERE IS NO HOPE! The day I found out of their seperation I went to the Humane Society and filled out papers to adpot 25 kittens so I could start my life as a crazy cat loving spinster (Joking).  But seriously -  I was proud as I only let myself have a moment of sadness.  I listened to 'Kiss From a Rose' about 3 times while taking deep calming breaths.  I kept it together, but in my heart it had been solidified, that if Heidi and Seal can't make it - no one can.  PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A LIFETIME OF LONELINESS, SUCKERS!

---

There may be a few more, but I would like you all to see me as at least a partially sane person. And ladies are supposed to keep an air of mystery around them, amiright? *jauntily tips hat and makes abrupt exit*.