The holiday season can be a stressful time for us all. It is especially difficult for me, because I am not a crafty person. All I have ever wanted to do is wow my friends and family with Martha Stewart type gifts and table settings. Handmade items show that this is a gift from the heart. I am also not the type of person who can articulate my emotions well so I just want to give people gifts that say I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOOOVE YOOU!
This is also slightly disheartening because I have surrounded myself with this make-shift friend-family filled with wonderfully, amazing artistic and creative people. Said friends can give me a beautiful painting or a handmade purse and all I can offer them in return is a popsicle stick frame where the glue dried in awkward places.
For all of you other DIY impaired peeps out there I have compiled a list of projects to stay away from (unless properly supervised).
Origami
You can make sweet things with origami – more than your usual paper crane. I have a friend you can make tiny gift boxes and balloon like tree ornaments – it’s insane! However, not an activity for the craftly challenged. One reason we (ok, me specifically) have difficulties with crafts is because we don’t have the best fine motor functions. When doing something meticulous like origami my hands get all shaky and I can’t make an even fold on that tiny little paper to save my life. It’s soul crushing.
Iron on t-shirt designs
Ironing a print-out design on a t-shirt sounds easy… in theory. But if you don’t know how to properly use an iron it is a very difficult… and shall I say, hazardous task. If you are going to take on this project, keep a bucket of water close by and make sure your fire alarm has working batteries.
Anything with crazy glue
It comes in such a tiny bottle, I don’t understand how that shit manages to get EVERYWHERE! I’ve glued my pants to the floor, fingers together, accidently wiped it on my face – it’s dangerous. It’s much the same with a hot glue gun, except instead of being stuck in a helpless glue prison you are being hit by hot glue fire. Tread carefully my friends.
Vagazzling
Vagazzling is a horrifying service salons offer where they glue rhinestones to a gal’s nether regions. It’s weird. This example is stemming from a conversation a friend and I had. She suggested instead of going to a salon, pick up some eyelash glue and some rhinestones from a craft store and you’re good to go. NO! I know you sassy ladies may be looking for a special surprise for your boo this year, but don’t do this, and DO NOT take it into your own hands. I love bedazzled goods as much as any child from the 80s/90s, but I do not support the bedazzling of THE goods.
Wood Carving
When I was younger (I think about grade 3) I thought I was a craft person, I also apparently thought I was Paul Bunyan. One year I thought I should make handmade signs for my parents and teachers (I don’t know where this inspiration came from). I spent hours down at my dad’s work bench sawing away on scrap pieces of wood I found. (Okay, question 1: why were my parents letting me use a saw unsupervised?) In the end they didn’t turn out exactly as I hoped. So I covered the ragged (and dangerous edges) with glitter and old wall paper. I was a proud panda – for some reason my parents and teachers humored me. Looking back these were both extremely dangerous and extremely ugly gifts.
I must admit that with help from my crafty crew I have been able to assemble a few handmade gifts I am proud of. But much like a small child I must always be supervised because when things go array I have an intensely loud panic attack and end up in a cloud of glue, glitter and tears.
Against better judgment I am still going to attempt a few handmade gifts this season, maybe this will be the year I blow everyone away with my sweet Martha skills (*wishful thinking, I will never be as cool as Martha). However, if I have taken away one piece of advice from my DIY mishaps, it is to always have a backup!
Comments